Just so we're all on the same page here...

Okay then. I think we've earned a breather...

Time to get down to it now...

Loco Dantes, Lead Narratist of The Shuteye Train

St. Nuke, Slayer of the Duke, and First King of Punk City

Kobra Jones a.k.a. Mr. Magic, High Priest of Ka and Second King of Punk City

Doctor Dream, Son of The Raptor, Lord of Shuteye Town

The Man in White. He sees no one, and he cares for nothing.

The One, Boss of the Pontifical Harrier Parish (Also stars of his 40th B'day party--you know the song!)

The High Priestess, Mother of All, and Her Avian Familiar

Sources and references for these ultimate Beasts include the Big Three Punk Works -- The Boomer Bible, Punk City, and Shuteye Town 1999* -- as well as The Naked Woman and the InstaPunk blogs. The three print books are available at Amazon.com.


*As of 6/21/18, ST99 is being prepped for a significant Point Release. Progress will be reported on a separate page on this site.

We all know these people or people like them. You may not find some of them offensive. You might be one of these people. Most everyone will agree, though, that you come across some of these folks in person or on the tube and you cone away shaking your head. "What a total beast," you say. I'm saying it for you here and now.

Yeah. The lawyers. They know everything and you can't tell them anything, not even about the run in their hose.

You just knew that braying voice would go on forever, exactly like your mother-in-law, but way taller.

Who thought up the idea of VJ's? Was it really necessary for them to be so perky and flirty? And talk all the time?

You know those actors who are always in flicks that are good for us? Tom Banks shoulda been a VJ.

And the actors who are damn sure they're too cool for us? Shined! Not everyone's daddy plays POTUS allatime.

Speaking of too dumb to live... those kooks who have just fallen for an old old lie. Spare me.

We're on a dumb roll here! Do politicians really think we believe the crap they spout? When they show up, that is.

Smart's not much better. I may know squat about the mind of God, but at least I keep it to myself.

In a similar vein, who died and made this guy the smartest in the room? Oh? Hocker? Good point.

If I want to hear whiny music, I'll go with the "Ironic" chick. Or the one thinks God is one of us. Boohoo.

The antidote to the whiners. But some antidotes are more painful than the poison that made you sick.

Anybody else sick of staged TV muggings? The hosts are always laughing afterwards. Why?

Always cranky, always the guy who thinks you should know HIS red tape. At the DMV, 711, post ofc...

If I wanted to know more about the Mehicans, I'd Google it. Maybe I would. Or just wait for a Tom Banks movie.

Don't know which is more annoying. The celebrity guest with nothing to say or the bored host not listening to her.

You sure about that? Ever thought about anything else for a single second of your life? Sure men suck. So do you.

It shouldn't. I know it shouldn't. But this guy irks me. He's life's Zero, he picks up a gun, and they kill him. Putz.

All these beasts have had their day in court at one of the InstaPunk blogs or in the unforgiving worlds of Shuteye Town and The XYZs of Shuteye Nation. The good news is that they can be funny  even when they're being just plain sad to look at. Why Evelyn Waugh invented satire and Jonathan Swift and company jumped right on board that hellacious train. Time to move on now.

Go on to Part 2 of Beasts & Bestiaries.